Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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