What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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