Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
