Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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