My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize