this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
