I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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