Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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