just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
