Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
