WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
