There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
