I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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