We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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