If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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