I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
