Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
