So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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