I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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