nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found puke in my bra..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
