my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
