Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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