Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
