and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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