New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
