It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
