the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need help removing her.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
