Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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