cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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