this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
