If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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