So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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