So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
