HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
