Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
