It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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