He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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