i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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