it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize