sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
