Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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