She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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