she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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