Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
