Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
