party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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