Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize