My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
