did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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