Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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