you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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