Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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