I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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