I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
