I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
