Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
