Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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