i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
