u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
