can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
