im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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