After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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