Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
