I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize