She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Drunk is not a location!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
