We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
