I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize