i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
