"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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