You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
