Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
