Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
