um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize