We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
