He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
