I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
