I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
