If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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