Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
