We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
