Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
