And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
