We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
