i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
