My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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