I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
