you would pick up someone in the library
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
