moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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