piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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