He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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