I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
