Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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