i'm signing you up for texting rehab
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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