If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
