Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize