I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
