hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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