so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
