i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
