Me too!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
