You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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