Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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